Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening 
(with apologies to Robert Frost, who, I'm sure, is rolling over in his grave, along with so many others)

Wish I knew whom to credit for this great poetic parody, but I don't. Enjoy:

I have a pretty good idea whose woods these are, believe me.

And let me tell you something, my people say he's a complete nobody.

This guy lives in the village. So what if he sees me stopping here?

I dare him to sue me! I dare him!

And by the way, this snow is pathetic.

These are, by far, the least downy flakes ever!

I hear they import them from Canada.

I don't know. Maybe they did. Maybe they didn't. We're looking into it.

My horse -- he's the most incredible horse, seriously, I have the 

greatest, classiest horses--

My horse doesn't even know what the hell we're doing here.

The horses love me though. They do.

They're always shaking their bells at me, it's very loving.

It's a beautiful thing.

Let me tell you something, these woods are an embarrassment.

They're not dark. They're not deep.

They're nothing. They're for losers.

And I cannot wait to sue this guy.

I cannot wait to sue this guy.

Stating the Obvious Part CXXVII: Trump Is An Asshole

Does this dress make my . . . ?

Trump Hilarity That Never Ends!

More Trump Hilarity

Hard to tell which of these is the funniest. They're all so good:

Satirist Jonathan Pie Skewers the News Media

Watch this hilarious send-up of a supposedly straight news report. The comedian is Tom Walker of the UK; his alter ego is "Jonathan Pie." Absolutely brilliant. No surprise that this video has gone viral.

Your Cat Delivery Service

Because why should UPS, DHL, FedEx, and the USPS have all the fun?

(H/T to litbrit)

The Slobification of America

YES!! Sing it! And it comes from Fran Lebowitz, of all people:

I have to say that one of the biggest changes in my lifetime, is the phenomenon of men wearing shorts. Men never wore shorts when I was young. There are few things I would rather see less, to tell you the truth. I'd just as soon see someone coming toward me with a hand grenade. This is one of the worst changes, by far. It's disgusting. To have to sit next to grown men on the subway in the summer, and they're wearing shorts? It's repulsive. They look ridiculous, like children, and I can't take them seriously. 

Lanaguage Freak

This is an op-ed I wrote for the Baltimore Sun back in 2005. I wanted to call it "Language Freak," but of course the copy editor didn't. He/she/they/whoever changed it to what you see below. Anyway, since I'm a linguaphile, and have all sorts of language pet peeves, I thought I'd republish it here:  

In need of 'proactive' translator  

By Lisa Simeone 

Originally published January 31, 2005  

SOMETHING IS happening to my friends. Even my most trusted, down-to-earth, sensible friends. Slowly, over time, they've forgotten how to speak English. 

Revolution

Freak, thanks to my friend litbrit

Thanks to my great friend litbrit. And she says that the generator, if you want to make your own, is here.

Tom Tomorrow on Dangerous Epidemics

As always, click to enlarge.

Social Media in a Nutshell

DHS and Corporate Honchos Punked by Yes Men

From my pal and indefatigable comrade-in-arms Kevin Zeese comes this account of a brilliant stunt by The Yes Men. (When you see "RuPaul's wig designer" as a photo caption, you know you're in for a good time):

"Judgmental Map" of Baltimore

God knows I loathe the jargon word "judgmental" (and loads of other words, phrases, and locutions -- I'm an insufferable schoolmarm and long overdue for a post or two or three pertaining thereto), but this site, Judgmental Maps, is hilarious. 

Though I'm not a native Baltimorean, I've lived here so long and love the city so much I consider it my hometown. This map is a riot. And very un-pc. So if you're one of those p.c. types, just skip it. This is black humor, folks, "black" in the literary, not racial, sense. It's dark. It's meant to be. My god, how pathetic that I have to explain this. Thanks to Meg of the brilliant blog Pigtown Design for alerting me to this map. As always with images here, click to enlarge (or go to the original site at link):  

TSA's new All Surround Security

Today marks a milestone.

Another year has passed since we reported on the TSA's 50-million-dollar new uniform budget. You'll recall that it was the source of some controversy, though in the end, $50 million is a drop in the bucket of this agency's $8 billion annual budget.

Surveillance by Tom Tomorrow

Click to enlarge.

Work

Mr. Fish

A Brief History of Corporate Whining

As ever, click to enlarge.