1. There is no iceberg.
2. We won't hit the iceberg.
3. We barely touched the iceberg.
4. Nobody could've seen the iceberg.
5. The iceberg didn't kill as many people as it could have so these deaths mean my plan worked.
6. I'm the best captain ever (and better than icebergs).
7. Icebergs are fake news.
8. The previous Captain steered us into that iceberg.
9. I had to sink the ship to fix it.
10. Nobody died.
11. I have the biggest penis!
12. Like a miracle, the ship will rise from the bottom.
13. I'm the most popular Captain ever.
14. I invented ships.
15. I always knew the ship was going to sink.
16. I have the biggest penis!
(Hat-tip to "Gumby" and "Policy Watcher")
